Engentado

Wondering what is engentado? Its a Mexican-Spanish word which closely defines the feeling of being peopled-out. I've lately been feeling like I just don't want to be around people, not like I don't like the people around me, I love them! But this weird cycle of overthinking didn't let me feel grateful to be around these beautiful souls. I just wanted to be alone. I felt that would be the key to my happiness. But was it? No. I planned on staying up till 12am and celebrating my birthday alone by watching my favorite movie, ZNMD, drinking hot chocolate from my favorite place, Smoor! Oh! trust me the thought of it was so fascinating to me, so I told my parents that I would like to put my plan to action and they were like, "Alone? How Depressing!" I tried convincing them that its not and to prove my point I did exactly what I thought would be extremely delightful. The clock ticked to 12AM and a shadow and a dim mobile light, then a brightening smile in a dark room telling "Happy Birthday!" it was baba (my father). The smile I got then was so natural and pure, honestly I failed to even realize that it was 12 and there he was though sleepy after a long day of work, he woke up at 12AM just to wish me. I realized that I have forgotten to appreciate the little things, yaar! Yes, of course I need to take out some time for myself but that doesn't mean I have to do everything alone and feel peopled-out so often. Maybe happiness requires a balance of engentado and non-engentado (Aha, you got me, I made that up!), a good balance guarantees contentment! "Self-love is the most selfless thing you can do!" I read it in a John Nguyen book and the thought was almost revolting, then drew the conclusion that I should rather be alone and only then will I be truly happy, because to me that guaranteed selflove! But that's not it! Its so much deeper, talking about how self-love is being grateful, living and loving every moment, and I don't think that can be achieved without those few souls who you know are pure and make you feel the same, you know. Counting those little smiles is key to happiness! Keep Smiling :)

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